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Elephant Fortunes
The best fortunes are the ones about elephants...
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? A: With a blue-elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant? A: Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue-elephant gun.
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? A: Take away his credit cards.
Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug? A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator? A: There's a footprint in the mayo.
Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator? A: There's two footprints in the mayo.
Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator? A: The door won't shut.
Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator? A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway.
Q: Know what the difference between your latest project and putting wings on an elephant is? A: Who knows? The elephant might fly, heh, heh...
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? A: "The elephants are coming over the hill."
Q: What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing sunglasses? A: Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
Q: What's the difference between a duck and an elephant? A: You can't get down off an elephant.
Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Five people -- an Englishman, Russian, American, Frenchman and Irishman were each asked to write a book on elephants. Some amount of time later they had all completed their respective books. The Englishman's book was entitled "The Elephant -- How to Collect Them", the Russian's "The Elephant -- Vol. I", the American's "The Elephant -- How to Make Money from Them", the Frenchman's "The Elephant -- Its Mating Habits" and the Irishman's "The Elephant and Irish Political History".
The real problem with hunting elephants is carrying the decoys.
-- Rich Schuster 02:19, 05 November 2005 (Eastern Standard Time)
